moody AF.

moody AF.

The day started out so well but here I am with my head in my hands crying because this is a roller coaster I never wanted to get on. I wanted to stay in the numb abyss of addiction forever. I wanted the option to NOT FEEL. Who the fuck has that right to take that from me?

I feel like saying fuck you. I don’t know to who or what. But Fuck you anyways.

I want to punch something.

I want to starve myself because THAT is something I am good at controlling. I am actually REALLY good at eating disorders and really shitty at staying sober. So my mind is like “hey maybe if you start fucking starving again you won’t think about drinking.” With one I have willpower with the other I don’t.

How can I be so fucking dedicated to destroying myself by starving but not dedicated to surviving through sobriety?

I think about all the times I went to bat for my brothers sobriety and he couldn’t have given a shit less and here I am picking up scraps of hope like a lost dog. Maybe I didn’t fuck up enough in my life for people to take my recovery serious enough. Maybe I should have went into a coma. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to function through the mess. Maybe then I would be at a resort style 3 month program instead of this hot office resenting everyone and anything I come in contact with right now.

Who knew one person could feel so much shit and who knew all it took was being sober to feel it all?

& they say this is worth it.

 

New Moons & Satanic Sinuses

New Moons & Satanic Sinuses

Happy Friday and NEW MOON in Gemini! I want to thank my friends and readers for still supporting the blog as the focus has shifted slightly from spirituality and witchy matters to sobriety. I am trying to find a balance of both but my blog is my therapy, and right now my main focus is my health and recovery. I have also had people reach out to me on the cusp of admitting they have a problem to let me know my blog is helping reveal some truths within themselves….and if I can convince one person to get in a meeting from my blogs then I have no regrets about opening up so candidly.

Today I just want to ramble about life in general. I woke up this morning with the worst allergy attack I’ve had all year. I am sitting at my desk with Kleenex shoved up each nostril because blowing my nose has done nothing to stop the constant flow. I tried my steroid sprays, claritin, saline sprays, etc….Summer is officially here! It does have me concerned about my upcoming 8 mile hike in the enchantments. As a person with allergies and asthma its always in the back of my mind that going deep into the wilderness and off the grid may present challenges for me. I have had to turn back on more than one hike. This is THEE hike though. The one that has been on my bucket list for two years! If I have to crawl to Colchuck I will. I am so looking forward to the hike and the wonderful cabin we have booked in Leavenworth. It has a wood burning hot tub that is filled with natural flowing spring water. I have stayed at this cabin before and it gets better each time. You can see every star in the sky at night. It will be a great way to end an exhausting hiking day. I can’t wait to go scavenging for herbs and plants also. The cabin is located on a large privately owned piece of land with a private waterfall and hiking trails. Imagine all the goodies I can find to stock my apothecary cabinet! Stay tuned to the Instagram for pictures!

I have had my nose in the real estate practice books this whole week and am going to take practice test number two Saturday or Sunday. Saturday is my graduation party so I’m not sure how much I will want to invest in that and Sunday we were invited to go boating but I need to just get this out of the way. It’s right at my fingertips!

Other than that life is falling into a routine already. Work, study, meeting, sleep, repeat. I am feeling a little lonely and left behind because my S/O is back in contact with all his friends from the program while I am actively avoiding many of my friends that use still. I am also facing a torrent of people that claim couples can’t get clean together. On the contrary….I find it incredibly helpful that we are in this together. We keep each other accountable and when I am tired and feeling like I don’t want to hit a meeting he reminds me why we are doing this and I get up and go. We have our separate meetings, but sometimes I go to NA with him and sometimes he goes to AA with me. It’s about balance and support. We hit the bottom together and we can rise up together.

Yesterday I had to testify for work at a court hearing. We broke for lunch and my boss took me to…*gulp* a bar! I sat with my back to it so I didn’t have Jim, Jack, and Jose staring me down but shit…just walking in was a fuckery. On the way home the sun was shining, I killed it in court, and I had urge after urge to stop and get a bottle of wine. As I drove past the store my fingers started idly drumming like crazy on the steering wheel. I started blasting Nirvana to drown out my thoughts. I made it past the store…and within 15 minutes the urge was gone. I keep telling myself if I can’t get through the day, get through just 15 minutes. I’ve given myself a little incentive too for the long term. If I stay a month sober I am going to buy myself this:

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How PERF is this for me?

Anyways- tonight being the new moon and all I have a lot of things I want to cover magically but I also have an NA meeting to go to, so it might have to be put off until after or tomorrow (I know tonight is ideal…but we cant always be perfect witches). New moon’s are essential for manifesting change though, so something magical definitely will be taking place at the burrow this weekend!

I hope you all have a blessed and happy weekend! Namaste and Blessed be.

Moon-Beam

Women’s Groups & Crystals for Addiction

Women’s Groups & Crystals for Addiction

Another day down. Another beautiful morning!

My days feel quite chaotic between work, real estate school and now meetings but it’s a good kind of chaos. Last night I had my first women’s group meeting and I think I may have found my “home group” and hopefully where I will find my sponsor! They were such candid, open, friendly and lovely souls. Forget handshakes…they each hugged me and welcomed me to the family. It is amazing the power unity can have over you. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel like I just wanted to belong…I felt like I did. We all have different stories but we are all walking the same path together. I’ve never met a friend or stranger who said “I’m the one who works nights, so if you need to talk, I’m the one to call at 3 AM…I put a star by my name”. Another girl took a selfie and put her number in my phone then texted herself “to make sure to bug you about coming back.” These people truly want you to succeed. I just feel so blessed and humbled today.

All that being said, I am now working on step 2 since I can only beat step one to death so many times a day. I get it…I am powerless over my disease and my life. Now its time to take the plunge to step two: ““Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I consider myself a very spiritual person. I am still trying to wrap my head around the use of the word God in the literature. I have gotten into this before on this blog…I believe in God as an entity and the Goddesses so I have to remember when it says “God” to just refer to my higher power. This step is more challenging the first step because it requires SURRENDER. Surrender is difficult for those (especially addicts) with abandonment and trust issues. Asking one to surrender is asking a lot. From what I gather from the meetings though, this comes easier. The more you attend the more your walls break down. I am going to give it a little push so I started doing some research on healing with crystals (and of course doing reiki on myself). Here is what I have found on the chakras and crystals for addiction…

CRYSTALS 

Amethyst is the mother of all healing crystals for addiction according to all the sites I have visited. Here is a direct quote from the Harbor Village Florida recovery site:

Amethyst: Amethyst in Greek actually translates into “not drunk.” As such amethyst is touted among crystal healers as the ultimate go-to for addiction to any substance, really. But the purple wonder is a favorite among recovering alcoholics too. In crystal healing amethyst helps bring its users closer to their own spirituality, bestow wisdom, and help wash away negativity with divine wisdom. Meditating with this stone is alleged to cleanse and recharge the body, mind, and spirit.

SOURCE: Harbor Village

Amethyst is one of my favorite stones. With the right intention you can do so many things. You can open your third eye, heal yourself physically and apparently help with alcoholism!

Another great stone is Citrine. Citrine can help balance your Solar Plexus Chakra which is in charge of your will power. Citrine also banishes negativity and leaves the user feeling light and warm.

There are other specific stones for specific addictions but since I am an alcoholic, my research has centered on alcoholism.

CHAKRAS 

Each Chakra plays an active role in addiction and recovery. Here are how our chakras can effect us during active addiction and recovery:

CROWN– The crown is located on top of the head and rules our thoughts and consciousness. It also controls our spirituality and nervous system. If the crown is out of balance it makes sense that these things will be suffering…over thinking, lack of spiritual connections, and overwhelming thoughts are an effect of an unbalanced crown.

THIRD EYE- Our third eye does more than look into the future or control our psychic abilities. It also controls our ability to look within ourselves for answers we know to be true. If the third eye is clouded  you may feel like you don’t know up from down or where to start on your journey to recovery. Ironically, the stone that can balance your Third Eye is the Amethyst, so this is an important Chakra to pay attention to when in recovery. The third eye also regulates sleep…something most addicts struggle with. 

THROAT- The throat Chakra controls not only how we communicate but can also dictate our compulsiveness. Many addicts, if not all, have a careless compulsiveness. Therefore making sure the throat is aligned will help ease temptation to relapse. 

HEART- The heart dictates our emotions. Many addicts bury their emotions or conversely, display them in an erratic manner. The heart also controls sugar cravings, which are amplified in recovery. When one balances the heart Chakra they should feel more emotionally stable and strong.  

SOLAR PLEXUS- The solar plexus is one of the key Chakras to helping with recovery. As I mentioned before, it controls our will power, our digestion, our fears and our anxieties. A huge part of recovery is having the willpower to say NO. If your solar plexus is a mess, you will struggle with having the power to say no day after day. 

SACRAL- The Sacral Charka centers around pleasures. Addicts love to feel pleasure wether it be from a high, a buzz, sex, etc. The Sacral is more geared towards sexual pleasure however. Sometimes when addicts are clean they find a higher sex drive is present. This should be monitored so one addiction doesn’t crossover to sex addiction. Balancing of this will keep a steady and healthy sex drive. Some may become depressed on the opposite hand though and have no sex drive. If you balance this Chakra you should have a balanced sex drive and healthy sex life. 

ROOT- Our root is our center. Like the crown it is one of the cardinal Chakras for well being. The root keeps us grounded and is our center of survival. When the root is strong and balanced our sense of survival kicks in therefore pushing us forward through recovery while keeping us grounded. 

You do not have to be a certified Reiki healer to balance your own Chakras. There are a lot of sites on Etsy where you can get a beginner Chakra set and simply meditate with them, get to know them, and heal with them. Additionally, you don’t even need to be an addict or have anything remarkably wrong with you to balance your Chakras. Its a good practice for anyone from any walk of life. It helps relax your mind, body, and spirit. We can ALL use some TLC for ourselves.

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Life in Technicolor

Life in Technicolor

Happiest of Wednesdays loves! Each day that goes by on this journey presents challenges and eye opening experiences. Today I want to continue to document my journey on the path of recovery.

Yesterday I was VERY afraid of relapse. We went to a baseball game, which was normally an excuse for us to spend an obscene amount of money on wine and beer and sloppily root for our team. I wondered how I would have fun if I couldn’t go to my wine shop in the corner of the stadium. When we stopped to get gas I had an overwhelming craving for sugar. I NEVER eat sugar. I am a salty snacks girl and always have been. I got some skittles and Reeses not only to curb the sugar craving but to give my mouth something to do since I used to drink “road sodas” on the way to the games. On the road I hopped on my pocket rehab app and started chatting with people and came across a forum someone had posted saying that eating sugar when you crave alcohol helps keep you away from it. I looked at my S/O and told him what I had read and said “I am a natural at recovery” LOL. You gotta find the humor sometimes. Eating candy with 56 grams of carbs is 100% not Keto, but this is my first week sober and I am picking and choosing my battles. I’ll take skittles over a relapse. We get to the the game and go to find my friend who is already in our seat. We are passing beer stand after beer stand that we used to stop at on the way. We used to get to the stadium an hour early to make sure we had time to get drinks before opening pitch. There are people all around passing with Rainier, wine, mikes, angry orchard….you name it, it was being thrown in our face. We hightailed it to our seats and with a collective sigh were in the clear. This is when things turned around.

I realized in looking around how vibrant, colorful, and SHARP everything is. I noticed the clouds tinged with pink, the green grass of the field, the girl in front of me snap chatting someone named “Alex W” flirty winky faces, and the old couple in front me holding hands and using binoculars to see better. When the old woman couldn’t get her hood on all the way, her husband lovingly helped smooth it out and put it in place for her. I noticed the scent of garlic fries, the father and daughter sitting together trying to start the wave…and then there was the depth of conversation with my girlfriend. We didn’t talk about anything too serious or thought provoking, but I REMEMBER it all and ENJOYED it. When Motter hit a home run I didn’t blearily look up to see what the commotion was about and who had done what. I saw it in real time and technicolor. There were so many beautiful little details about the universe going on all around me that made my heart warm. Things I never would have noticed on my quest for my next drink.

We enjoyed slices of greasy pizza (which is always my tradition), but I ate it slowly and enjoyed every bite as opposed to drunkenly stuffing half the slice in my mouth. I sipped watery Diet Pepsi and that was ok with me.

We left during the 7th inning which is also our standard on work nights. Normally we have trouble finding the car, have to go to the bathroom 500 times and then pass out when we get  home. This night I was running and jumping in the parking garage trying to slap the over hangs on the ceiling which were very low, and much to my S/O’s amusement, I am still too short to touch. It was goofy, good-natured fun. When we got home we got in bed and talked about our plans for our separate meetings for the week and I won’t get into other details about the rest of the night but I will say…it seems that EVERYTHING is even more amazing sober 😉

Although we went to bed late for our standard I am refreshed and proud. I am glad I knocked another thing off the list of things I used to do drunk that ended up being fun sober. Its starting to be less daunting and more exciting!

In other exciting sober news….My mom is a complete nut to some degree and drives around in a van with others from Union Gospel and tries to convince people on the streets that are using to get in and go to treatment. A lot of the time they are unsuccessful, but yesterday she convinced one young man to get in and go to treatment. I ask that my readers pray, put out good vibes, speak to your Goddess, whatever you do….Ask that this young man stays in the treatment and has a chance at life. She also ran into a young woman shivering in shorts and a tee shirt who wasn’t ready for treatment, but she gave her the coat off her back. Our family may be broken and riddled with addiction, but we are taking the most babiest of baby steps to conquer it. One soul at a time.

 

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My First Meeting.

My First Meeting.

So I realize the purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous is to stay…anonymous. So I won’t get into too much detail about the actual meeting, rather I will get into how it impacted me.

I went to my first AA meeting last night after a grueling 3 hour practice exam for my brokers license. I was already mentally drained at that point. When we pulled into the lot I felt my palms sweating and my heart racing. This was it. The moment that it all became real. The first step to really recovering and admitting I have a problem. I had no idea what to expect, having only seen AA meetings on TV. I walked timidly behind my S/O and sat at the first chair I saw around a circular table. They other occupants were relaxed and carefree looking and I was a ball of nervous energy. I felt like the elephant in the room. The bull in  the china shop. I don’t know the serenity prayer so I awkwardly stared at my feet when everyone else chanted it together. I kept thinking “god, I want a drink.” I was even more confused when they handed me a pamphlet with a bunch of phone numbers hand written on the back. I fumbled my way through it though and even told a little bit of my story and at the end of the hour I felt like I was among friends. Strangers who knew exactly what I was going through and who LITERALLY applauded me for it being my first meeting…unlike the snide remarks I’ve had to endure from my friends on the other side of my life. It felt like some of the weight I had been carrying had been lifted. What I learned is this is a program. Just like with my college degree, I am going to have to work, and work very hard at it. It’s not a fight though, its a surrender. I need to completely throw myself into the program and surrender to my higher power to help get me through the 12 steps and keep going through them.

I have to ignore the people who have said to me “but you aren’t really an addict. You just like to party”. This was a big part of my first relapse. Just as I had started to embrace step one and put effort into being sober, my “friends” kept reassuring me that I’m not really addicted to alcohol or anything for that matter. “But B, you have a college degree and bought a house and go to work. You drink wine sometimes, you don’t have a problem.” This is exactly what an addict wants to hear. You are confirming what they have been trying to convince their hearts for a long time.

So if you are reading this, I assure you, I am an alcoholic. Trust my process, my program and my judgement. Even if you don’t believe I am an addict, believe that I truly want a better life for myself and that isn’t lying at the bottom of a Svedka bottle.

Other’s have gone far enough to say that “You didn’t have this problem until recently, what is happening in your life to make you lose control?” Ignorance is bliss and those that believe this has not been an ongoing battle my adult life are lucky to not know the internal suffering I have experienced at the hands of this disease. Just because I wasn’t ready to admit it to myself and my peers does not mean I wasn’t suffering. Just because rock bottom came now instead of 5 years ago, does not mean I wasn’t struggling then. Like most addicts I have just been a ticking time bomb, slowly but surely starting to expand and contract under the pressure and then. BOOM. It is not for anyone else to say what I have been feeling or what I have been doing because addicts are very good at disguising the magnitude of their problem.

Just because you saw me drink two glasses of wine at a dinner party doesn’t mean  I have it under control… because I used to stop at the store and buy a whole bottle to down before bed on the way home. Just because I got up and worked under the guise I was “just tired” doesn’t mean I didn’t have a raging hangover. You think you know but you have no idea. Even if you are also an addict, you do not know each person’s individual story and what they are going through and therefore are in no position to speak on it.

I am ok with the fact I will lose some friendships and relationships. The only relationships I desire to keep are those that will help keep me clean and free. Happy and loved. Sober and safe.

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Litha – Midsummer-Summer Solstice

Litha – Midsummer-Summer Solstice

summer-solstice

Happy Summer Solstice! This is my first full year celebrating the Sabbats so I am learning as I go. I wasn’t paying attention and booked tickets to go to the baseball game tonight so I won’t be able to celebrate Litha in true witchy fashion, but I will do a little something before I head to the City.

Litha, also referred to as midsummer or summer solstice is associated with the holiday of the feast of John the Baptist and is the longest day of the year. During summer solstice, Earth is positioned in such a way that the North Pole is leaning the most towards the Sun. The summer solstice puts the Sun God in the most powerful position, therefore fire plays a large role in this Sabbat. This is why traditionally when people celebrate Midsummer they light large fires and dance around it.  Additionally, this is a time of fertility for men as opposed to Imbolc, Ostara, and Beltane which promotes fertility for women.

Incense and Flowers for Midsummer 

  • St. John’s Wort
  • Mint
  • Basil
  • Sunflower
  • Fir
  • Rowan
  • Mistleto
  • Oak

Ways to Acknowledge Midsummer 

  • Wear flowers in your hair or make a flower crown
  • Bonfire ritual
  • Any outdoor picnic or feast
  • Lithia prayer

Random Historical Facts about Midsummer 

Around the same time Stonehenge was being constructed in England, two great pyramids and then the Sphinx were built on Egyptian sands. If you stood at the Sphinx on the summer solstice and gazed toward the two pyramids, you’d see the sun set exactly between them.

SOURCEEverything You Need To Know About Midsummer

Recipes for Litha

Buttermilk Scones for Litha from Hearth & Home Witchery

3 cups Flour
1/3 cup Sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
3/4 teaspoon Salt
2 Tablespoons Butter
1 cup Buttermilk
3/4 cup Currants
1 teaspoon Grated Orange Rind
1 Tablespoon Heavy Cream
1/4 teaspoon Cinnamon
2 Tablespoons Sugar

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Use an ungreased baking sheet. Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a mixing bowl. Stir well with a fork to mix and fold air into batter. Add the butter and cut into the flour mixture, using a pastry blender or two knives, or work in, using your fingertips, until the mixture looks like fresh bread crumbs. Add the buttermilk, currants and orange rind. Mix only until the dry ingredients are moistened. Gather the
dough into a ball and press so it holds together. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead lightly 12 times. Pat the dough into a circle 1/2-inch thick.

Glaze: In a small bowl combine the cream, cinnamon and sugar; stir to blend. Brush the dough with the glaze. Cut the dough into 18 pie-shaped pieces. Place the scones 1 inch apart on the baking sheet. Bake for about 12 minutes or until the tops are browned. Serve hot with Orange Honey Butter (recipe follows).

Honey-Lavender Biscotti  from Hearth & Home Witchery

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup sugar
3 large eggs
3 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons orange zest
1 tablespoon dried lavender blossoms

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Adjust oven rack to the middle position. Lightly grease three baking sheets (lining the baking sheet with parchment paper prevents sticking and makes cleanup much easier). In a medium bowl, sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together; set aside. In a large bowl, whisk sugar and eggs to a light lemon color; stir in honey, vanilla extract, orange zest, and lavender blossoms. Sprinkle dry ingredients over the egg mixture; fold in until the dough is just combines. To shape the dough into a log, lightly sprinkle flour on the work surface, on top of the dough, and on your hands. Use just enough flour to form the logs and to prevent sticking; you don’t want the logs to be covered with flour. Divide dough into six equal pieces. With your hands, pat and shape each piece into a loaf approximately 3 inches wide, 7 inches long, and 3/4-inch high. Place two rolls onto each prepared baking sheet with 3 to 4 inches of space between them. Bake 25 minutes or until dough pops back up when lightly pressed with a finger. (After dough has baked 10 minutes, reverse cookie sheets from front to back and move from the top rack to the bottom one. Repeat this again after another 10 minutes). You can’t judge the cooking by the color. The biscotti shouldn’t change color during the second baking, so poke them to tell if they’re done. They should feel dry and offer some resistance. Remove from oven and cool 10 minutes on a wire rack. Reduce oven to 275 degrees F. Using a long serrated knife, cut logs diagonally into 1/2-inch thick slices. Turn the slices over, onto their sides; return slices, on baking sheets, to oven. Bake another 15 minutes. NOTE:  Do not crowd the biscotti slices on the baking sheet for their second baking as they need the hot air to circulate to enable them to crisp up evenly. Remember biscotti will continue to crisp up, as they cool, so do not be tempted to over bake. Remove from oven and cool completely on wire racks. Store biscotti in an airtight container. They will keep well for a few weeks. Yields about 54 biscotti.

This is one of my favorite pies. Since blueberries and rhubarb are not is season at the same time one or the other fruit will have to be frozen. It’s awesome with vanilla ice cream.

SOURCE: (they have A TON of great recipes, these are just examples.) Litha Recipes

My Solar Plexus Aint Right.

My Solar Plexus Aint Right.

Happy Monday beautiful people! I have been busy busy busy this weekend!

On Friday I walked in my commencement ceremony. It was fun and exciting and a little bit sad. I will miss my school and the friends I made…the clubs I joined…but I am excited to have that checked off my bucket list. Originally I intended to immediately transfer to UW Tacoma or WSU online to get my BA in business but I am kind of worn out on the business front. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the program and saw that I had not only earned my AA in Business but also 4 additional certificates. I was anticipating 2 certificates but I received one in customer service, management, entrepreneurship, and sales. My focus now is going to be passing the state exam for my broker’s license. I love real estate and with my history working at title companies, the builder’s office for the past ten years, and leasing I think I will be quite successful if I put myself out there. I am going to take the practice exam for the first 60 hours this week and then chug along to the last 30 and second portion.

This weekend was a challenge on the sobriety front. I have learned the importance of going to meetings because if you miss one you might fuck up. Which I did. I will admit it. No one tells you going into this how shitty you will feel. The agitation, the depression, the “lost” feeling. I tried to keep myself busy with healthy activities. I deep cleaned the house, went kayaking, scavenged my parents private beach for seashells, cooked, everything you can think of. I am trying not to beat myself up for it, rather use it as a learning experience. Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. Especially on the weekends. I have been networking with other women I know in the program and made plans to go to some meetings with them but I really need to find my place in all this. I REALLY need to find a sponsor that I can connect with and rely on. Doing this alone is way too hard. Especially when its two people trying to stay clean together. We can either build each other up or convince each other to slip up.

I have a new found respect for people who have come out on the other side and a new found understanding of people who can’t get it together. This is by far the hardest battle I have ever faced. It’s like running up hill with a fat guy on your back and the fat guy is all the shit you’ve done wrong and all the mistakes you’ve made. It’s so much easier to drop his ass and go back down the hill. But I don’t want to stop running. I want to run until I have the strength to make it to the top and never look back. I want sobriety so bad. So if I want it so bad why is it so hard? As I have watched my brother’s addiction to heroin spiral out of control for the past 5 years I would get furious at him. Why can’t he just get it together? Why can’t he stop? Why is he at his 20th rehab right now…hasn’t anything sunk in? & now I get it. We do not choose this life. We do not choose to have this disease. People who don’t have compassion for addicts must never have felt powerless and alone in their life. If they did they would understand the challenges we face everyday. Every day we have to make the choice to keep going or falling back and that is a big decision and a hard one when your brain and body want so badly to succumb to the addiction.

I am going to channel all my energy on obsessing over recovery. Weaker souls than mine have made it out of this. I have never backed down from a challenge and have succeeded at everything I have put my heart and mind to…this should be no different. I need a new moon like yesterday to do some moon magick for willpower. I definitely need to reiki the shit out of my solar plexus chakra. Ah, this is inspiring me to do a piece on the chakras and addiction. I will do some research today and probably put something together later.

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