Greetings followers! I haven’t had a moment to write in many moons. In the past if I wasn’t writing it was because I was probably up to no good, but I can gladly say this is not the case. I have been busy chasing my dreams, tackling recovery, and living my best life! I have such a grateful heart I needed to write on it. I WISH someone would have put these words on paper for me to read when I felt afraid and unsure. Today I am going to tell you why you should not toe the line of your comfort zone, rather, you should jump straight into the abyss of the unknown.
So much of this story is based around fear. We stay in loveless marriages, dead end jobs, crummy apartments, and so on and so forth because we fear. We fear change. We fear loss. We fear new. We fear things we can’t even put a finger on…we just know when you mention change we become paralyzed. Not all of us…but many.
For 11 years I have gratefully worked in the family business as a bookkeeper, property manager and office manager. I learned an immeasurable amount of valuable lessons in this industry, was mentored, and always had my bills paid. I was already at the top though. There wasn’t anywhere else to go from where I stood. I never would see promotion. I would never climb a ladder of success. I would be working but always felt like it would be similar to running in circles. I went back to college 2 years ago to achieve a goal; become a college graduate. I received my associates degree in business with a focus on social media marketing. After I graduated I immediately enrolled in real estate school. I then received my license in September 2017. I learned, got listings, made friends, and jumped into it. I was still working mostly at my family business. Afraid to take a day off to fully pursue real estate because that meant a smaller paycheck. I slowly began to accept the fact I could not chase my real dream of being a successful realtor by sitting at a desk. I began working more and more on my real estate business. I got sober in this time as well, and began constantly praying for guidance from my higher power. I often felt like quitting. The blow to my bank account seemed like a hefty price to pay to chase my dream. We are taught in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous “don’t leave before the miracle happens.” I clung to that. It became my mantra. Then opportunity knocked on my door.
To make a long story short I was offered a salaried job that would help me GROW my real estate business while still supporting a steady income. I still work at my family business but it’s on my own terms. I have learned to balance essentially 3 jobs but I am in love with what I am doing. I am working my business. I am helping grow my dear friend’s business. I am the social media manager of our team and get to work from home.
As I sit out on my deck and do the job I love with the view of Puget Sound laid out before me I can’t help but feel like all the struggle and fear was worth it. I had to make a choice when opportunity came knocking. I could have stayed in my comfort zone with the people I had grown to know and rely on, or I could close my eyes and leap and rely on myself. My heart knew what the right decision was and my higher power delivered it to me.
I had always read books like “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed…where the girl plunges into her dream with no second thoughts and no glances back. I always admired their moxie. But surely, responsible, meek and mild me could never obtain that. I felt destined to sit behind the desk of my job I had done for 11 years and observe these gals from afar with longing in my heart. So many of my dreams fell by the wayside because of fear. I never got that apartment in Brooklyn. I never ended up on Broadway headlining a show. I didn’t go to Europe and backpack across the country and visit mountainsides and concentration camps. But as I sit here basking in the glow of the love and gratitude I feel for what I am doing now, I feel ok with that. New York will always be there for me. I can always sit front row at a Broadway show. I can go to Europe once I have succeeded in my business. The options for my life are limitless and I know a great majority of that is because of my recovery.
You were waiting for it weren’t you? When is she going to tie in her sobriety? Without my sobriety and spiritual growth I have nothing. I have no joy. I have no hope. I have no money. I have no goals. The 9th step promises are coming true in my life just like they promised when I walked in the door of AA. If you aren’t familiar they are this:
- If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us –
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
So I implore of you to make a list of the things you want but are afraid to go after. Maybe it’s as big as moving across country or as small as dying your hair pink. Write everything down and before you have a moment to second guess yourself do something on your list. The self confidence that comes from tackling life is unparalleled. It still feels foreign to me to sit at home and not feel afraid of how the mortgage will get paid. I have to stop the fear from creeping back in. If you lay your wishes and faith at your higher powers feet you do not get to pick it back up and over analyze it. That is a show of lack of trust that this universe will not take care of you. I promise you, it will. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Go for it.