Numerology Cycles

Numerology Cycles

Today I took a workshop on the energy that comes from numbers. In the ancient study of Numerology, Pythagoras discovered that numbers have energy (just like in Quantum Physics) and over the years it was determined that we go through 9 year cycles and each individual year has a different energy or theme that gets you closer to your 9 year goal. Additionally, we were all born under one ruling number. Think of it this way, there are 9 highways that we can travel down through life, each one is numbered. Your highway is your highway for life. You cannot exit and merge onto another one. In this blog I will show you how to figure out your highway number and what personal year you are about to go into and what it means for you. I will use my number’s as an example. All you need is your full birthday.

To figure out your life number or (highway number):

My birthday is October 20th 1987. This is the simple math to find out what number rules my life.

10 = 1+0 = 1

20 = 2+0= 2

1987  = 1+9+8+7 = 25 = 2+5 = 7

TOTAL: = 10 = 1+0 = 1

My life number is a 1! Now to find out what personal year you are about to go in do the same math except instead of birth year, use the current year or year you are going into. Like such:

10 = 1+0 = 1

20 = 2+0= 2

2018 = 2+0+1+8 = 11 = 1+1 = 2


My personal year is going to be the year of the 5!

Why do we care or why should we know about our numerology? Because knowledge is power. When we know what energies will be naturally flowing into our life we can use it to our advantage. We can use it lift our manifestations and create as much abundance and joy as possible. Each personality and each year has a meaning behind it. These are the meanings of the numbers.


If your life number is a 1 you are a pioneering spirit and independent soul. You are unique and a leader by nature. If you are going into to your personal year 1 it will be full of new beginnings and you will be taking charge. You will find an increase in independence and leadership.


When your life number is a 2 you are all about partnership, being a peacemaker, you are very diplomatic and detail orientated. If you are going into your 2nd year on the cycle you will notice unions forming, merging, formed partnerships, and the potential for lots of contracts.

3- JOY 

3 is the number of self expression. If this is your life number you are creative, artistic, happy, playful and enthusiastic. When this shows up on your life cycle you are apt to falling in love, saying your truth, and having luck in finances.


4’s are hard workers, practical, orderly, and organized. Health means a lot to them and so does routine. If you are headed into your 4th year this is about putting down roots and laying the ground work for a great life. This is a hardworking year. In my 4th year I bought a house, graduated college, and obtained my brokers license!


When you’re a 5 in life you are a free spirit who is sensual, intelligent, and well traveled. If you are going into your 5th year you can expect change, travel, freedom from addictions, and variety in your life. This is a nice follow up year on your 4th year because you finally get some relaxation and rest.


6’s are the teachers, nurturers, and counselors in life. They are always caring for other people and taking on responsibility. If you are headed into your 6th year this is going to be one of duty, service, and the need to beautify. You may find real, deep love in this year or your current love will grow.


When you are 7 you mystical, solitary, analytical and methodical. 7’s are the most introverted number. In your 7th year you will be focusing on purification, re-evaluation of your life, altering your mind, and the want to withdraw.


8’s are very powerful. They are known as authority figures, authentic, and successful. When you are going into your 8th year you can expect an increase in finances, power and achievement. Sometimes this is when people get pregnant or gain weight or your life expands in some way.


If you are a 9 you are a universal lover, cosmic teacher, philosopher, and multi-talented. In your 9th year, this is known as the harvest year. You will begin reaping what you have sown over the past 9 years of your life cycle.


12 Steps: A Design for Living.

12 Steps: A Design for Living.

Good morning and happy Monday! I was struggling with a blog idea this morning but I had the itch to write. I usually choose between 3 topics; witchy stuff, sobriety/recovery stuff, or life in general stuff. I was pondering the things I talk about with people on a daily basis and I kept coming back to the questions people ask me who aren’t in the program. Then I started thinking about how much the steps have started to transform my life. I will let you in on a little secret…the 12 steps aren’t just for drunks and druggies!


Yes, the 12 steps have been used for ages to help people conquer alcoholism, drug addiction, quitting smoking, getting over heartache, etc. What the 12 steps really are though is a design for living your best life. Who doesn’t want that? I am going to present to you the 12 steps and a road map on how to use it even if you are a normie (non-addict). By the end of working a 12 step program you will have a spiritual awakening and feel the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders. This is how it’s done (some editing has been done to remove words like “addiction, alcoholism, etc. for the purpose of making it relatable to life as a whole).  

1.) We admitted we were powerless – that our lives had become unmanageable. 

Ahh, beautiful and burdensome step 1. Nobody has their life all together no matter who you are. There will always be something that seems unmanageable whether it’s your finances, your stress level, your children, your husband, or your job. We always have room to admit things aren’t going as well as they could be. Even if your life is peachy fuckin keen there is always room for growth and change. You might even feel your life is completely well managed until you start working the steps and realize it wasn’t. All you have to do for this step is admit to yourself there is room for improvement. 

2.) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I know what you are thinking, “who does this bitch think she is telling me I am insane and only a higher power can restore me to sanity?” What I think is I am a person who struggled greatly with this step and the next but I kept working on it day by day and life feels a lot less insane when I know I can rely on something greater than myself to help me through. All you need in this step is to be open minded. Do not slam the door on me yet. 

3.) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

“Oh, now this bitch wants to start bible thumping and shoving religion down my throat!” WRONG. The 12 step program is a SPIRITUAL PROGRAM, not a religious one. We use the word God because it is the best adjective we have in our language to universally explain a higher power. I don’t care if your higher power is a tube sock….call it whatever works for you. All you need in this step is to be willing.  Have you ever heard people use the phrase “let go and let God?” That is what this step is about. It is about understanding that you are merely a character in the play of life. Things are going to happen and you cannot force life to do your bidding. This is where your willingness comes in. I tell myself about 50 times a day under my breath “thy will be done” and it helps me coast through the day with a fraction of the stress I  used to have.

4.) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The DREADED step. This is where we get into the leg work of the program. This step is messy, uncomfortable and necessary. Our personal inventory is like a backpack of bricks we have been carrying around our whole life. It’s time to open it up, take a good look at it, reflect on it, accept it and embrace it as a part of us. Your inventory needs to include all the messy details. Childhood traumas, heartbreaks, resentments you are carrying around, broken fragments of your soul that are still floating around aimlessly inside of you. If you are still thinking about it, include it in your inventory. Nothing should be left out. Are you still mad at Susan from 2nd grade who bullied you? Yep, she goes on the list. Write out your life story and you will find that your backpack of bricks has been weighing you down without you even noticing it. All you need for this step is your memory, a pen and paper, and grit. 

5.) Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs


I know right? You would rather stick a fork in a light socket. But this is the most important follow up on your 4th step you can do. This is laying down the backpack of bricks so you can walk freely without that weight. Have a talk with your higher power first. Gather your wits and ask for strength. Find a trusted human to read your 4th step to. I suggest not having it be a spouse or someone that will be personally offended by any of your inventory. This will create a situation that is uncomfortable for all parties involved.  All you need for this step is bravery and honesty. 

6.) Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

If you are still with me CONGRATS! The next few steps are a nice little reprieve before we get into some more meaty ones. This step can usually be done in a short period of time. Read your inventory and accept that it is time to remove your defects. All you need for this step is acceptance. 

7.) Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

The keyword here is “humbly”. If you successfully did your 4th step you have probably been knocked down a few pegs anyway and are feeling quite humble so this is the perfect time to ask God, the Universe, your tube sock, whatever to remove your shortcomings. Some things that can be considered short comings are the gift of gab, gossiping, lying, cheating, poor time management, over-spending, over-eating, etc. Nothing is off limits. If you consider it a shortcoming, ask your higher power to remove it. Make sure to thank your higher power at the end. All you need for this step is to ask. 

8.) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.


We have all screwed someone over big or small. Maybe it was as simple as an argument over the remote and maybe it was as big as cheating on them. Whatever it is, it’s time to pull your head out of the sand and face it. Write it all down. All you need for this step is honesty and reflection. 

9.) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.


You heard me! This is even more uncomfortable than your 4th step but it is something that HAS to be done if you are truly going to awaken and be the best version of yourself possible. Take your list and work your way down. Ask someone out for coffee and explain what you are doing and how you would like to make amends. Even if the moment was long ago and even if you have both moved on. This is a cleansing part of the 12 steps that you will be grateful for after it’s done. If the 4th step was a backpack of bricks, this is a fanny pack of rocks. Time to unbuckle that sucker and lighten the load more. If you cannot make direct amends, making living amends. This is where you learn from what you did and live in a way that shows you are different and learned from it. All you need for this step is humility. 

10.) Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Self explanatory. You don’t just get to do one 4th step and go on your way. You have to do a little 4th step every single day. Make sure you’re inventory is in line and clean. If you are wrong, fix it. Simple as that. All you need for this step is reflection. 

11.) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

This is a maintenance step. It’s a reminder to keep in contact with your higher power, continue practicing self-care and love and continue asking for love and support from your HP. All you need for this step is communication and self love. 

12.) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


THANK SWEET 8 POUND BABY JESUS YOU MADE IT! Now go plant the seed to others. Spread love. Carry your message to other broken souls who might not even realize they are broken a little inside.


In AA and NA we have sponsors to help walk us through these steps. Us addicts need a little push here and there and a little more guidance because we are battling a terminal illness and disease. Our lives literally depend on the 12 steps. I hope after reading this though you see how your life can benefit from them as well.

Take care of yourselves out there and if you need a spiritual sponsor my door is always open.


Only Everyone Can Judge Me.

Only Everyone Can Judge Me.

In the past I have written about unsolicited advice without thinking about the cause of it. Just like my alcoholism is a cause of a spiritual problem, unsolicited advice seems to be a side effect of judgement and judgement seems to run rampant in our lives. Be honest. You have found yourself judging your friends for taking back that boyfriend. You have judged your boyfriend for his outfit choice. You have judged someone for posting something on Facebook or for the amount of carbs they consume. You have probably at one point or another judged every person that has touched your life. I would be lying if I didn’t say I have done it too. It’s human nature. It’s what we choose to do with that judgement that makes all the difference.

Here is a scenario to explain better what I mean. Its completely fictional but it’s also feasible, so envision yourself in this position and stick with me. Your girlfriend comes to you in tears over a fight she had with her boyfriend. She is furious, spewing vitriol, planning her break up and post partying plans. In exchange you man-hate the hell out of the good for nothing asshole who made her cry. The call ends with some laughs, she blows her nose and goes on her merry little angry way. Stop right there though. As adults, if we are functioning ones, we should ALL know that a reaction that is based on emotion is not the most sound reaction. This is why there are entire courses on teaching you to not respond to an email when you feel emotion. This is why people tell you to WALK AWAY and breathe from situations. Venting to our trusted human’s is a part of that cool down period though. Ok so back to sassy pants and her boyfriend problems…The next morning you are scrolling through Facebook and see a picture of your bestie and her scum bag boyfriend canoodling over coffee and donuts and cannot believe your eyes. HOW could she forgive him after all we had discussed last night?! Instantly your brain starts firing off thoughts “she is so dumb. What is she thinking? She is just setting herself up to be hurt.” THAT. IS. JUDGEMENT. You are absolutely entitled to feel and think those things. But let’s stop and think through this a little further. Do you know what happened after you sent her on her way? Do you know what that relationship is based on? Were you a fly on the wall when they hashed out their problems? No. All you know is what someone told you in a moment of heat. Let’s pretend this is one of those stories you get to choose the ending. You have two options:

A) You like the photo and text your friend, “Glad to see things seemed to calm down. Let me know if you need anything, I’m here for you.”

B) You either send a passive aggressive text message or ignore your friend for days because you are personally offended by her life choice.

If you picked A you and your friend are on the road to a harmonious and healthy friendship. If you picked B you might be strong arming your friends and trying to control people too much. It is rare that people, especially women, go on and on and gush about the great things about their lives and their relationships. It’s much more common in this world to complain and bitch about the bad. I am SO guilty of this. But I am working on it.

I wanted to write about this because for years and years I have allowed people to tell me exactly what they felt I should be doing with my life. Who I should date, how I should dye my hair, how I should respond to life events, and so on and so forth. I either silently took everything in stride and let people throw their stones in the glass house or I erupted and burned their house down with an onslaught of verbal abuse (a horrid defensive mechanism when I feel attacked.) Sometimes I simply agreed because life is easier when you are agreeable.

Period, point blank, you are only in control of your own reaction to your own life events. You aren’t even in control of your relationships or friendships. Literally, the only thing you can do is control your attitude, your speech, and how you handle situations.

This has been an infuriating life lesson to learn. I have two sisters I have been spending a lot of time with lately. We have girls nights constantly. This entails…..ding ding ding, talking about boys and relationships. I have learned to sit back, LISTEN to LISTEN NOT TO RESPOND. I process everything and of course judgement is coming into my thought process BUT I DO NOT SPEAK ON IT. WHY?! BECAUSE IT IS NOT  MY PLACE. I wait until a question is directly asked to me…”what would you do?” and I give a gentle yet honest response. You  have to understand that people are ultimately going to do what their heart desires at the end of the day. You cannot prevent that…again…you can only control  your behaviors. This is why I can’t figure out why people argue online. I have never once seen a political fight on the internet end with someone saying “You know what? You are right! I am totally a republican now.”

Be there for your humans. Have an opinion because you love your humans and help them through hard times. When they ask for advice be grateful they trust you to supply it. If they want to cry give them a shoulder. Think before you speak.

It is so easy for me to say this on a blog, but I have struggled for so long with standing up for what I believe in respectfully. Like I said I either keep my mouth shut or go off the wall with my mouth. But there was an event that happened this year that cost me a friendship and I do not regret it. A person felt it was their place to lecture me, dig into the past and try to tell me what I should do. I laid out how I felt [respectfully] and then I walked away. Life is hard enough without trying to win the approval of people who say they love you. I could of gone on to lay her past on the table like she did to me but you know what? Even though I was hurt, it wasn’t  my place. That is not my inventory. I am not going to pick it up and carry it around.





Thirty, Flirty, and Thigh gap-less

Thirty, Flirty, and Thigh gap-less

Lately I have been doing so much reflecting on who I am now and who I used to be, I don’t even recognize myself sometimes. That’s a good thing in case you are wondering. Today I was reflecting on how I am with my body image now in my 30’s versus how I was in my early twenties to just a few month’s ago.

When I was 22 I decided to get married…this is just a footnote in this story we can reflect on that poor life choice at another time. I gathered up my bridesmaids and step mom and went to David’s Bridal, the McDonald’s of Bridal Fashion (Barf). I tried on 3 dresses and fell in love with the third and called it a day. I was by no means a bridezilla… probably because I was more interested in the wedding than the relationship so if it all went to shit it didn’t really matter at least we had fun planning it right! My step mom lovingly took pictures of me from every angle and for the first time, to my horror, I realized how “FAT” I was. I decided there wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to let a hundred people take candid photos of me looking like Snooki’s twin (I had dark brown hair, a severe tan, and was a little overweight). I instantly hopped on the latest craze- HCG. If you are not familiar this is a diet that allows only 500 calories of severely restricted calories. No dairy. No sugar. No carbs. No alcohol (wish that would have stuck.) In a month I lost 25 pounds. Over the next few months I lost another 20 pounds. I was a svelte 125 on my wedding day and never felt more confident. The praise I received during my transition lifted me higher than I had ever been in my life. HCG did nothing but make me skinny and teach me how to starve myself. The years that followed would be fraught with starvation, counting calories, over exercising and eventually the diagnosis of body dysmorphic disorder. If you are not aware: “Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable.” This is not something I have divulged to people. My therapist worked for years on helping me overcome anxiety and my obsession with weight. I weighed myself 3 times a day and ate less than 400 calories a day at my worst. I continued to do so because of the praise. My self worth was reliant on a number on the scale.

When I KIND of got my obsession with weight under control there was a shift. I began obsessing on my appearance. I became infatuated with spending every penny in my account on Nordstrom makeup and skin care. Christian Dior eyebrow pencils. Bobbi Brown mascara, every face mask Philosophy could supply. Don’t get me wrong….there are some things I will still spend more on as a woman, but I no longer turn my nose up to drug store makeup or feel like if I don’t have Christian Dior eyebrows I am an ugly peasant.

So where am I at today? I am currently trying to lose weight but not to be skinny or sexy…because I have abused my body with alcohol and starvation for so long that I want to nurture it and love it the way it deserves. It has carried me through this life thus far without failing me while I mistreated it daily. I hardly step on a scale and try to stop myself from making negative comments about myself. I try to stay disciplined in my Keto lifestyle not because if I cheat I feel “fat” or like a failure but because I want my body to operate at its prime.

I have thoroughly enjoyed finding drug store, or cheaper dupes for my more pricey cosmetics. I will note there a few things I will always be loyal to (funds permitted)…Philosophy Hope in a Jar Foundation and a good moisturizer (Philosophy Miracle Worker or Hope in a Jar). I haven’t stepped foot in a Nordstrom or received a Nordy’s note in months. My new high isn’t spending my whole paycheck on 2 items, but chasing down the best deals and best kept secrets in the cheap makeup world.

My self worth doesn’t lie at the bottom of a heap of expensive makeup or in a size 4 jeans anymore. It is measured by how loved the people around me feel in my presence. How much I can give to people who have given to me. Maintaining sobriety. Being healthy so I can live the best and longest life possible.


December: A Sparkly Reminder of This Beautiful Life

December: A Sparkly Reminder of This Beautiful Life

November I focused a lot on gratitude in both my personal life and my alcoholics anonymous life. I enjoyed several gratitude dinners and tried to make an inventory of all the things I have to be grateful for. With December right around the corner I was reflecting on my December goals but I want to have a focus for the month of December as well. Since November is all about being thankful for what we have, I want the focus of December to be giving as well as peace. I’m not talking about the gifts we put under our family’s tree and the money we spend. I want to focus on giving back to those who have overfilled my heart and my life with hope, love, strength, and experience. This can be as small as sending a text to a friend to compliment them and thank them for being in my life, making my grandma dinner, taking my niece and nephew to go ice skating….any small act of kindness is a way of giving back to those we love and putting good into the universe. As for the peace aspect, this is something that comes from within. Do more things to make your life peaceful. Practice self care. Be gentle with yourself. This is a stressful time of year for many. The holidays are often difficult for those of us who have lost someone we love. Allow yourself to be at peace in the moment you are in.

Christmas is one of my favorite times of year but it has never been about the presents for me. It’s the small moments like selecting the perfectly imperfect Charlie Brown tree and decorating it to the sound of Elvis. Making hot cocoa and watching “The Grinch.” Having a reason to come out of my shell and visit my family and friends in such a festive environment. It’s a little sparkly reminder of the beauty we share in our lives.

I used to be SO against New Years Resolutions. I felt like I was just setting myself up for failure, but now that I have grown so much spiritually and emotionally I think monthly, even daily goals are important! They keep us accountable and on the path to be our best selves. Here are my December goals:


  • Send out 250+ mailings for real estate career
  • Attend ALL sales meetings and floor time
  • Obtain one + listing


  • Continue with Keto and stick to it (except Christmas and Christmas Eve)
  • Get back to the gym even if it’s just a few days a week
  • Work on strengthening lungs by jogging

These are of course just in addition to the things I do on a regular basis…meetings, meeting with sponsor, reaching out to friends in the program, meditation, reading self-help books, etc.

December is also an exciting month for Pagans! I will touch on them more in detail throughout the month. Here is a short Summary:

  • 3: Full moon — Long Nights Moon at 10:48 am.  Now is a good season for spiritual alchemy — time to evaluate your life, and know that you’ll survive the dark times. If you’ve already put the darkness behind you, take your good fortune and share it with others.
  • 5: Krampusnacht, celebrating Krampus, a Bavarian figure who is the opposite of Santa Claus
  • 17: Beginning of Saturnalia, a Roman celebration honoring the god Saturn.
  • 21: Yule, the winter solstice
  • 22: Celtic Tree Month of Elder ends
  • 23: Celtic Tree Month of Birch begins
  • 25: Feast of Frau Holle, Germanic goddess
  • 25: Christmas Day
  • 31: Festival of Hogmanay

SOURCE: Wiccan Calendar

So friends, finish out November STRONG. Continue to carry gratitude forward and get ready to finish the year out strong in December with a focus on peace and giving.

Sober Holiday’s Blues.

Sober Holiday’s Blues.

The holiday’s are normally my favorite time of year. I love everything from the family time, Christmas tree hunting, sledding, snowboarding, Christmas parties, shopping for gifts and the food. This year I have a sense of dread. All of those events I mentioned above, I did under the influence. Yes, even snowboarding, which inevitably led to me injuring myself that has had a lasting impact on my right knee and ankle. My whole family for the most part drinks. The whole focal point of Holiday parties whether business or personal, is alcohol. I have a business party for my real estate business and I am thankful that the majority of my agent friends know and are aware I don’t drink and am in the program but I am still worried about so many triggers. I have a game plan in place for Thanksgiving. I am going to my friend from the program’s house first to eat with her family and then I am going to the “sober” family’s house. I can’t avoid family functions indefinitely though. Some of my family members in themselves are triggers for me. I used to only be able to handle certain people because I was half loaded by the time I showed up.

I guess the only thing I can do is take it one day at a time.  I wish our society was not so obsessed with alcohol and that you aren’t considered “different” if you DON’T drink. I wish I wasn’t sick and I could drink in moderation with my friends and family and not destroy my life. I wish there was a cure for addiction. As wonderful as the program is and how much it helps, it doesn’t wipe you clean of your demons and vices. The disease sits in me and will for the rest of my life. I would be lying if I said I don’t feel bummed that this holiday season I won’t be drinking. Drinking was a huge part of my life for the majority of my adult life. It will be weird and hard not having a drink on Christmas or New Years eve. I am still trying to figure out what sober people do on these days?

I do know that no matter what I will get through it because I have an amazing support system. It’s just been a thought in the back of my head for the past few days with Thanksgiving looming ahead and no pinot grigio to get me through awkward family exchanges.


For my sober friends who are also in the same boat, here is a list of things you can do other than use/drink:

1. Live in the now.

You cannot change yesterday or control tomorrow. Focus on doing your best right now.

2. Seek support in nature.

Fresh air and sunshine are wonderful antidotes for depression and anxiety. Try out activities like hiking and surfing to establish a deeper connection.

3. Tap into your creative side.

Paint, draw, sculpt, sing or dance. If it gets the creative juices flowing, it’s good for your sobriety.

4. Don’t test your willpower.

Get rid of all of the alcohol in your house, including bottles “for guests” or special occasions.

5. Embrace change.

Change is good, especially when you are becoming a better person. Let go of the past.

6. Let go of resentment.

Focus on forgiveness; grant yourself and your loved ones forgiveness. Without it, moving forward is impossible. Reconnect with family and friends and make amends as needed.

7. Try meditation.

There is no right or wrong way to meditate. Choose the method that appeals to you. Meditation will help you quiet your mind and center yourself.

8. Don’t live in fear of relapsing.

Worrying about slipping back into old destructive patterns can consume your mind. Instead, focus on your strength in recovery.

9. Fend off loneliness.

Isolation can be dangerous. Spend time with family and friends who will support your recovery and provide positive reinforcement.

10. Use the 24-hour plan.

If a lifetime of sobriety seems overwhelming, start with a smaller goal. Decide that for today, you will not drink or use, no matter what.

11. Don’t put too much pressure on one short stay in rehab.

It takes more than 30 days to develop and nurture a solid foundation for sobriety. It’s something you’ll need to work on every day.

12. Be good to yourself.

Addiction beats you up. Now that you’re in recovery, treat yourself to a massage or a new pair or shoes to celebrate how far you’ve come.

13. Get active.

When your mind and body are engaged, there is less room for cravings. Go for a run in the woods or kick a soccer ball around with the kids. You’ll feel energized, alive, and best of all, sober.

14. Adopt a pet if you don’t already have one.

The responsibility of a pet will add more structure to your lifestyle, and the unconditional love that animals offer is truly irreplaceable.

15. Check yourself frequently.

With every decision you make, ask yourself: “Is this the healthiest choice for me right now?”

16. Give back.

Whether volunteering your time or your skills, helping others just feels good.

17. Be willing to walk away from stressful situations.

You have enough stress in your life. Learn how to let go of what you don’t need.

18. Create a gratitude list.

Each and every day, write down a couple of things you are grateful for. If you’re having a bad day, look at your list and remember how far you’ve come.

19. Clean your mental house.

Get rid of the negativity. Speak to yourself with loving, supportive, encouraging words. If this is hard, be kind to that struggle.

20. Create goals.

Always have a challenging goal in the back of your mind; something that pushes you to be better and reach new heights.

21. Don’t stress over discouraging statistics.

You are an individual in control of your own success in recovery.

SOURCE: 21 tips to staying sober

God be with you. Happy Thanksgiving!


A Year of Growth

A Year of Growth

I am sitting here on floor time at my real estate office reflecting on the changes that have occurred in me the past year. Isn’t it odd how day by day nothing seems to change but a year ago you might have been a completely different person? Married or dating someone entirely different than your current partner. More fulfilled or a bigger void. Friends may have come and gone. Feuds may have erupted and relationships may have died. The hope though is, that no matter what you have gone through, you have grown and learned something from it. This is the story of my change and my growth in the past year.

I acknowledged I am an alcoholic. For the first time in 29 years of life I began unknowingly working on my 1st step of the 12 steps. My boyfriend at the time whom I was very in love with and believed I was going to marry told me he hadn’t proposed yet because I drink too much. I tried in vain to “control my drinking” like many alcoholics before me. The results were nil. I was right back to drinking more heavily than the average person. I ordered the Big Book of Alcoholic’s Anonymous and the 12 and 12. I began reading them and thinking to myself what a crock of shit it was. I told him I would go to an AA meeting but I didn’t know where to start and he told me he didn’t really think I was “that bad”. “Why can’t you just slow down?” I had no idea then that the reason is because I am powerless over it. He broke up with me the day Trump was sworn into office. It was a Friday morning. I felt something was off and I called him to ask him if he was leaving me. I was on the way to a sales meeting at this very office that I never made it to. I wasn’t a broker yet, but I was coming to meet the agents and tour the office. In tears I raced home and lay in a broken heap on my bed howling like an animal. He kissed me and cried and told me he still loved me but it was too late. I didn’t eat or sleep for a month and drank myself into a stupid oblivion because what else did I have to lose? As the months went on I began to really get sick of my own bullshit. I met a new man who was in the program who opened the door to the possibility I should join it too. Unfortunately we were two broken people and our addictions took off and ran with us trailing behind trying to keep up. A battle you will never win I came to learn. We hit many rock bottoms but one thing that did happen, was he introduced me to the rooms. He took me to my first AA meeting ever. I was terrified, depressed, and completely spiritually bankrupt. I would go in and out of the rooms for the months that would follow but the seed had been planted and it wasn’t fun anymore. I began to truly work on my sobriety and spirituality. I relapsed a few times but today I truly want to be free from the obsession of alcohol. We are both now working our program the way it was meant to be worked. I will not get into details of what that entails, but it’s the first step in the right direction for both of us and if the AA promises are true, it will take us wherever we are meant to be and we will know a new freedom.

Thanks to the program I have also learned acceptance. There have been so many events that occurred that would have baffled me and I would have reacted with emotion and lashing out. Thanks to AA, I have learned to let it go. I don’t attend every battle I am invited to, in fact I rarely do. I am learning how to take a personal inventory not just for my 4th step, but EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am learning to accept even the hard times and the bad. Most importantly, I am learning to accept myself without shame. I am an alcoholic. I have asthma and anxiety and could stand to lose a few pounds. I could workout more and I could eat better. I could start going to sleep a little earlier and I could learn to make my bed in the morning. I do not see these things as flaws anymore though. They simply are. They are just a part of who I am. All I can do is love the person I am, who I am growing to be, and what I will be. Worry and obsession does not plague me like it once did. I now practice manifesting blessings every single day and showing gratitude for the things that have transpired in my life. Jealousy and resentments are leaving on their own accord because I know a new peace inside. I will never be Mother Theresa or a saint, for that I am sure….but I do know that I have successfully not verbally abused another human being as a means to deflect from my own short comings and character defects since I started the program and that in itself is huge. The egomaniac that comes with addiction is leaving. I also no longer think of my ex who left me with hate and resentment. My higher power knows more than I ever will, and knew I needed a wake up call. Honestly, he was a good man who deserved a healthy and whole girlfriend. One time before we broke up he said to me “you go to this place when you drink that I cannot understand. I didn’t grow up in the same situation as you did, and I don’t have all these traumas…I have tried to understand and fix you but I can’t.” No. You can’t. No one can fix the broken parts in us, we have to do find the will to do it ourselves every single day.

In one year I have broken, grown, cried, laughed, lost people, gained people, but most importantly I have learned the lesson that we are only promised now. Today. This moment. Be present, be happy, be focused and be driven. Whatever wildly important goal you are trying to obtain will come to you if you live in now and manifest it.