FOURTEEN DAYS SOBER!

FOURTEEN DAYS SOBER!

I don’t have a ton of time to write, and it certainly isn’t anything profound but it’s important to me. Today marks 14 days sober. The longest amount of consecutive days since 18 years old that not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips! Tomorrow is the start of August and I cannot wait to hit that 30 day mark and celebrate my birthday with my sisters in recovery!

This has been such an amazing journey in just two weeks I cannot imagine how my life is going to be months and years in. I owe my life and sanity to Alcoholics Anonymous.

It really is about taking it one day at a time, working the steps, going to meetings, talking to your sponsor and chatting your higher power’s ear off. If you don’t work the program it doesn’t work. This time I am dedicated to my recovery and my healing and it is paying off. Slowly, surely, and day by day.

Thank you for never giving up on me Universe/God/Goddess.

 

 

Don’t You Worry Your Pretty Little Mind, People Throw Rocks at Things That Shine.

Don’t You Worry Your Pretty Little Mind, People Throw Rocks at Things That Shine.

Most of my blog followers and friends know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and write from it. I am an open book, sharing my struggles, triumphs, lows, highs and everything in between. I have a public Instagram because I found when I turned the privacy setting off, an abundance of like minded people started following, commenting and liking my posts. I have found some truly inspirational pages since making my account public. I used to hide my heart and my social media due to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being followed by people I didn’t want to see my life, and fear of bullies.

Recently some unsavory people from the past have been cropping up and my first instinct was to make my Instagram private and not blog. Then I went to an AA meeting and a line from the passage we were reading in the big book spoke to me…”Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.” – The Big Book. This is the mentality I have taken on my blog posts about not only alcoholism and recovery but also recovering from broken hearts, anxiety, mental illness, and eating disorders. I also like to openly share the joys in my life because if this blog alone can span from darkness to light so can your life…that is why I write candidly and openly. Maybe somewhere these words are making an impact through sharing experience, strength and hope on all aspects of life.

Yesterday was a rough day emotionally. I took my real estate broker’s exam and failed by 5 points. Following that there was an onslaught of unnecessary drama and work was a struggle. I picked up the phone and called my sponsor and she was a voice of reason in the midst of chaos. She gave me page numbers to read in the big book to re-direct my faith and I felt like the load was lighter. Off an on throughout the day the waves of anxiety crashed over me and I kept repeating in my head what she told me…”It is none of your business what other people think about you or do. You know the truth about you and your higher power knows the truth.” Isn’t that the truth? People can form opinions of you based on emotions they are feeling, but that is a reflection of their heart, not yours. I have been a target of stalking and bullying for a long time and I could never figure out why. A specific example of the kind of messages that have been plaguing my inbox “I’m glad you finally admitted you are an alcoholic instead of being a fake bitch.” At first I was hurt when I read those words. Because yes I was in denial about my disease for a very long time. But I’m not anymore, so all I can do is agree with you messenger…I am really glad I admitted I’m an alcoholic too. To the people who don’t like me who might be reading this I am sure they are thinking in their head that I get targeted because I’m a bitch, I’m this, I’m that. But the only thing that can come to my mind is “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine” – Taylor Swift.  I am not perfect by any means. I have petty moments, sassy moments, I throw tantrums, and I have insecurities. I even quote Taylor Swift. The difference is that I make attempts everyday to overcome my human defects to the best of my ability by spreading light into the world and that includes sharing my life story.

So, as of today the Instagram is back to public, the blogging will commence. I cannot promise you will always agree with me and more often than not you will probably be shakin’ your head thinking “this mess”….and that’s OK. I want to be alive and free in my own skin no matter how flawed it may be…with the hope that someone, somewhere is taking something away with them.

IMG_0516

Experiencing the Rawness of Living Through Sobriety.

Experiencing the Rawness of Living Through Sobriety.

The universe is throwing me curve-balls left and right this past week but I have been whacking them out of the park with grace, dignity, and sobriety.

This calm and peace came to me after my women’s meeting last Wednesday. Not only did I find a sponsor but we worked on step 3 of the 12 steps and that is surrendering our power over to God, or a higher power as we know it and acknowledging we are not in control of our addiction and our lives. This step on my own was very difficult to work through but hearing the women talk about how they tackle this step and utilize it really made me sit back, let out a deep breath and surrender my power. Since then even in moments of chaos I feel calm because I have accepted I am not the one in control. Not my circus, not my monkeys type of thing. When toxic people have started cropping back up in my life instead of allowing myself to get angry or emotional I ask myself “does their behavior have anything to do with me or is a reflection of the person I am?” The answer is always NO…leaving me free to go about my day and focus on my recovery.

I won’t lie and say the hard moments didn’t make me cry or feel anxious. One thing about sobriety is you actually FEEL everything again. The good, the bad and all of it in between. Your heart, soul and mind isn’t bogged down by alcohol or a hangover so you get to experience the rawness of living. This was what used to terrify me the most about sober living, but to be completely honest it’s been refreshing. A solid reminder that I am a human. I am flesh, blood, and a soul….no longer a zombie crawling towards my next fix. I no longer have to schedule every little thing I do around alcohol and “drinking times”. I am ALIVE.

Being this high on life has carried me through the obstacles that have been challenging me. I have so much optimism, hope and warmth in my heart that I don’t feel like I can be stopped. I am not perfect (or as we say in AA, we are not saints) but I am working the program as I know how with diligence and heart.

Some people have had some things to say about me being in the program, actually cutting me down for it…but they are still active in their addiction so I am letting it slide right off me and am praying for their well-being. Even if they are psychopaths, they deserve sobriety just as much as the next person.

This week my focus is working the steps, attending the meetings, meeting up with my sponsor and taking it one day at a time.  My sponsor always says “don’t say, I only have this many days, or this many hours…all we are promised is 24.”

635957590352991542-309783759_tumblr_static_8464063479_fc479ea04a_z_copy

Cliche, But True: Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone

Cliche, But True: Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone

The past few days I bounce between feeling at peace and feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I have been between highs and lows, feeling depressed and feeling elated. At first I was concerned wondering what could possibly be wrong with me? Why am I so fraught with anxiety? Then the answer came to me in the form of a very cliche and over-used Pinterest quote: “Life begins outside of your comfort zone”.

It is not by any means a comfortable situation at all to detox from alcohol or start the steps (again) towards recovery. Everything you know and THINK you love (alcohol) is being taken away from you. You are forced in the steps to address a lot of shit that is hard to do. Admit you have no power and when you do figure that part out you are told you must surrender yourself to your higher power since you have none yourself. No one wants to feel out of control of their life. But the moment you give up “control” you gain power in the form of sobriety. At first, this is not comfortable. I have never successfully gotten past the point where it becomes completely comfortable, but I know if I stick to the program my day will come where I will be glad I powered through some discomfort for a truly peaceful life.

I am also working on paving the way for my new career. After working in the same office and same job for 10 years, its exciting and scary to be taking this new leap into real estate. The exam is hovering over my head and I want so badly to do well and choose a good brokerage. I just need to take some deep breaths and remind myself that I am not in control of this life. All I can do is have faith, be kind, do my best and let the universe and God work its magic.

AAEAAQAAAAAAAAUEAAAAJGVkMDEwODM0LWY1YzItNDIwNi05YmYyLTg5ZDZhMjdiOTMxNQ

Why Are We Obsessed with Weight Loss?

Why Are We Obsessed with Weight Loss?

The Witty Witch might be a tiny platform to stand on and shout my views from but it is mighty. I am scrolling through my feed which is very limited because it’s an account created only for a handful of friends, family and supposed “support groups.” I was part of a group for the Keto diet and they CRUCIFIED a woman for eating CARROTS. This is the norm on every post…people telling others what they should or shouldn’t eat. FUCK OFF. It’s hard enough living in world with impossible standards and we wonder why women are suffering from eating disorders and body image issues.

Ok, so I keep on scrolling past the trolls and every other post is before and after pictures for network marketing products. Now I admit, I was a direct sales girl and I loved some of the products and the results. What I didn’t love was thrusting weight loss in everyone’s face when I myself struggle with body image issues and ED. I hated the mean girl, cult like behavior by certain companies (which I won’t get into because I respect my friends that sell them.)

Please know that I am not saying those of you affiliated with direct sales are all guilty of this. Chances are, if you aren’t a supportive and encouraging woman I have deleted you anyways. My point is that it is rampant and spreading like wild fire on social media where young, impressionable women are already obsessing over ways to fix themselves.

Why is it too much to ask that we accept people for who they are and where they are in their journey. If they ask for help or training on how to be healthy, great. But stop projecting and encouraging this insanity that we all have to be a certain way!

On top of that I cannot tell you how many obsessive hours I have spent talking to my girlfriends about weight loss, trouble areas, hating myself, beating myself up because I ate a piece of pizza at a game, etc. etc.

Another example…I went to the store to buy some shorts and didn’t end up buying them because the Large was a little snug and that made me feel shitty. I am finally at a point in my life where I don’t hate what I see in the mirror. It took me a lot of ups and downs on the scale and learning what works for my body to get here, but the moment a Large was a little too tight I freaked out. I don’t see a size Large in the mirror…I see a woman who struggled with weight and body image issues since she was a child who finally realizes the strength and beauty this body possesses. I wish we all could see the perfection we are and not let a little thing like the size on a tag send us from confident to broken so quickly.

I believe in the law of attraction. If you want change to come to you you CANNOT obsess on what is going wrong, yet you must embrace the beauty that you already posess. If you sit and squeeze your chub the universe is gonna be like “aight fine, stay chubby”. Which you ARE NOT chubby by the way…I am just saying that is how the universe perceives these messages you are putting out. If you project on others that they need to change who they are, the universe will attach that negativity to you.

LIVE AND LET LIVE. Stop putting gas in the body image destruction freight train!!

cd57e490e2b96f1761998216ba705127--quotes-body-image-positive-body-image-quotes

The Moon Journal You All Need + Info On Dark Moon in Cancer

The Moon Journal You All Need + Info On Dark Moon in Cancer

My dear friend got me this work book for my graduation gift and I have loved using it! Of course when I was active in my addiction again I didn’t really do more than skim through it because I was not spiritually in a good place. Now that my recovery and spiritual journey is at the forefront of my mind again I have found myself picking it up and re-reading it often. The passage about the dark moon coming up from July 21st – 22nd was so spot on for what I need in my life right now! They even provide a lovely ritual that you can do to banish what is no longer serving you and to manifest what you need in your life.  I would recommend anyone who follows moon phases to buy or download a copy of the Many Moons workbook. You can find it here: Many Moons

This moon is all about release so we can leave room for nourishment. I won’t get into the exact ritual the book recommends because I respect the author enough to recommend you purchase the book to receive the full benefit, but here is the spin I am doing on it.

Altar- ALL the amethysts and rose quartz crystals out in the center. I will be placing significant tarot cards for release and nourishment underneath the stones. I will also be doing the Biddy Tarot “Release and Let Go” seven card spread which goes as follows:

Here is the seven-card Tarot spread:

  • What am I feeling right now
  • Why am I feeling it so strong
  • How can I release this feeling
  • What is the feeling transforming into
  • How can I rise above
  • What is my new beginning
  • What have I learned

Source: Release and Let Go Tarot Spread

Also, some dark times have come and gone through my house while I was in relapse so I intend to sage the fuck out of it. Every corner, every inch with not only sage but Palo Santo and the smudge stick made from my sisters garden. I want to ensure all those little pesky negative energies are gone so my home can be warm and light again. At this time I will also put clear quartz at my open door as I am wafting the energies out to shield them from coming back in.

I feel like my recovery coming right at the dark moon is a sign. Between the date of recovery being 7/17/17 and this dark moon I feel like I spiritually have the tools to get through this. I am also taking the steps I need to make sure I am medically being taken care of. I have an evaluation for intensive outpatient this coming week.

Perhaps you don’t have as much darkness and troubles in your life right now, but everyone can do with a little releasing. Release your stress, anger, anxiety, whatever it is you are feeling, use this time to let it go.

d3be1bbb61fdaf3019caeb639694ac80.jpg

My New Birthday.

My New Birthday.

Today I had to hit the reset button on my sobriety counter and nothing made me feel worse. The guilt, the shame, and the suffering that comes when you let yourself down is almost unbearable to face, but it’s part of recovery. If you relapse, you have to face it. The whole time I was relapsing I knew I was fucking up and I honestly just didn’t care in that moment. So many things had stacked against me and my emotions were all over the place. The more I drank the more shitty I felt, and thus the cycle of relapsing over and over again commences. You drink, feel bad about it so you drink again to numb the pain and the shame. Normal people can drink and go to bed and be fine. I drink an ungodly amount and create miserable situations for myself that I need to clean up the next day.

It isn’t a way to live. If you stray the path of recovery for even a moment you can hit bottom. It started with just missing a meeting here or there. Then I started allowing people to influence me. “You really can’t have a glass of wine?” NO. I CANT! But I told myself maybe this time I could. This leads to a bottle which leads to another. I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK. I WANT TO STAY SOBER AND LIVE A HEALTHY, NORMAL LIFE. Alcohol doesn’t phase normal people the way it does addicts. It creates a dark,empty hole inside of me. It unleashes every demon I have ever tried to drown in whiskey and it opens the flood gates for emotions and suppressed anger. It’s not fun for me like it is for others.

This is me taking accountability for what I have done wrong. I am new to recovery and still learning. I fall down but I pick myself back up.

My new birthday is 07/17/17. I believe in synchronicity. I believe numbers have meanings and come to us for different reasons as signs from the universe. I believe the power of this date will mean so much more to me than my previous birthday (6/19/17). Even if its just my superstitious belief alone that keeps me going…so be it.

IMG_0276