You would think I would learn my lesson on burnouts after having caused many in my lifetime…but here I am completely running on fumes.
6 years ago I went and saw an ear, nose, and throat doctor and they performed allergy testing on me. The conclusion of the test was that I am allergic to literally everything, except for dogs and cedar. They advised me then to promptly start immunotherapy allergy shots. I had a consultation with the insurance gal at the office and my eyes bugged out of my head. For a girl who could barely pay her rent at the time, I couldn’t fathom spending $50/week for injections plus some $700 every few weeks for my serum to be made. They had also done a CT scan and showed that my sinuses under my eyes had completely sealed themselves off, which is my I kept getting reoccurring sinus infections. At one point I was on 3 rounds of antibiotics for a month and steroids. I was miserable but hopeless that I could afford the treatments I needed. Fast forward to last summer. The symptoms were excruciating. I went to a new ear, nose, and throat doctor and got tested for allergies again. They had gotten even worse. Not only that but I was diagnosed with asthma. I finally relented and started the shots plus a Kenalog (steroid) shot every 3 months to help with my breathing. Again, finances got the better of me and I had to stop the immunotherapy shots. Not only were the finances difficult, but the debilitating anxiety I felt getting the shots. I had to sit and be monitored for 20 minutes to make sure I wouldn’t go into Anaphylaxis. I did the shots for a few months but after I swiftly racked up a $1000 bill I quit. Here I am today on the heels of a VERY busy week. I work two jobs now, attend AA meetings, do step work, have a social life (even that is laughable because I have hardy any time), had some visiting time with my nieces, lunch dates for business, cleaning and maintaining my household, training to be the best broker I can be, and collapsing into bed at night to sleep a few hours and do it over again. The result is I am very sick again. I had an almost 102 degree fever yesterday. I was shaky and sweaty, my sinuses were in pain, and my lymph nodes in my neck were painfully swollen. I had to miss work and I had to reschedule an MLS class I had signed up for. I also couldn’t go to my usual Monday night AA meeting. As much as I wanted to get up and get things done my body was stubbornly telling me NO!
To me it was the universe’s way of saying it’s time to slow down. Find a balance. I am a Libra, therefore I NEED BALANCE or I feel depressed or out of wack. I have been also suffering from little bursts of depression that sap me of my energy and will to get all the things I need to done. I think its because I haven’t really done anything for ME lately that doesn’t involve work. I did get my hair done on Friday and it gave me such a little boost of energy to be able to relax and enjoy some social time with my friend, but that is a once every 6 months deal. I have so many things I love to do for myself spiritually and mentally that keep me energized and healthy but I have been too focused on working and other things. Its led me to a burnout, which I always come out of on top. On Thursday we leave for Iowa to visit my boyfriend’s kids and his grand baby. It will be a nice way to unwind from all the stress we have been going through.
We should never get so busy living that life starts to pass us by…or worse starts to take its toll on our health. My ENT advised me that without sinus surgery and shots I would be susceptible to getting sick, and getting sick often. With self care I have managed to avoid surgery and getting sick, but when all you do is grind, its inevitable that you will wear yourself down. Do something to relax for your mind, body, and spirit. I know that tonight I am going to make meditation and relaxation a priority. This is why we have the phrases like “take time to smell the roses” because it is TOO easy to get caught up in a cycle that leaves us worn out and wanting more from life. Take care of yourself. Be kind to your body and soul. Take a deep breath and RELAX once in awhile.