Society tells women everyday how they should dress, how they should speak, what jobs they should take, what boxes they fit in or don’t and even how they should treat one another. Society will tell you that being jealous, petty, and vengeful is normal. This is encouraged. Some women actually encourage each other to keep this cycle going. I am not one of them. And by the grace of God I have found a tribe of women that not only understands but encourages the notion that the pettiness and jealousy bullshit is dead. We are the women you hear about in those cliche quotes about “fixing each other’s crowns”, “all the women in my squad are Beyonces”, etc. etc.
I am going to explain a few instances that separate me and these women from the rest. We are not judging or looking down on you if you are still under the pressure of society to be a bitchy, mean girl though. When you are ready to come to the enlightened side, we will welcome you with open arms.
The most recent instance of putting society’s ridiculous standards of how women should behave towards one another to bed occurred a month or so ago. Something inside of told me that my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend was a lot like me. Yeah, checking her page when we first got together helped me draw that conclusion (we have all done it!). I found myself agreeing with and actually liking a lot of the things she had to say. She was not just a positive light, she was like a fucking force of nature, spreading that shit everywhere. My first reaction to be honest was “Ew. I can’t be like my boyfriend’s ex. I don’t want to be”. PAUSE. WHY? Because society says that is wrong. Society says screen shot their shit and pass it on to the group chat and laugh about being better. If you partake in those activities, you are only human and it’s forgivable but you need to understand, that is coming from a place of insecurity and something you are lacking inside. So, because I am a bit crazy and have no filter, I reached out to her. I have talked to her quite a few times since. I discovered she is also a Libra with a birthday one day after mine. We like a lot of the same things and agree that my boyfriend chose some quality women in his life to love because we are fabulous, strong, women. She has helped me with my recovery on days it was difficult and has encouraged me to stay on the path. This woman owes me nothing, yet she has given me hope, laughter, and friendship in the most unlikely of places. Society would have her shut me down, tell me to fuck off, and belittle me even. But we are not products of Society. We are our own people with our own minds and our own hearts and we know that when the universe puts a person in your life that is made up of all the same things, you shouldn’t ignore it.
Another instance is when I reached out to a woman I have only met online through mutual friends. She doesn’t live in the same state as me, but she has become a saving grace during my recovery. I am in essence a complete stranger, and I messaged her on Instagram about recovery and how it works. Now if you are in the program, you know it’s normal and your duty to help pull others up out of the darkness and into the light of recovery. But at the time I was new to recovery and scared shitless to tell some random girl I was an addict. She opened her arms and let me in and we talk about the dark days and we talk about the good days. When I relapsed she didn’t shun me, she just walked me through getting back on track. Something inside me told me she was trustworthy and if I had ignored that instinct I might not have a new friend in recovery to support me.
My last example is similar to the first. I had briefly spent time with this guy who is an absolute idiot but that is beside the point. She started dating him after. In a weird turn of events we became friends and when I say weird…that is an understatement. I had posted that my sister had a surprise baby. YES. She really did not know she was pregnant, she did not look pregnant. I got a call that my sister had a baby and was like “ok, what the fuck???” Then I thought, OH MY GOD. She has nothing to bring this new baby home to. No crib, clothes, diapers, nothing! Things women spend months acquiring, she did not have. She had a few days at best to come up with these things on limited funds after an emergency C-section. So I made a public facebook post calling for all second hand clothes, cribs, etc. The post was shared over and over and I was overwhelmed by the humanity. I drove around in my little Kia picking up diapers, clothes, and cribs all over Washington state. Then she messaged me and offered to help. This was just our initial contact. After she had posted something about domestic violence and I knew something bad had happened. I reached out to her as one survivor to another and we have been inseparable since. I don’t think a day has gone by that I don’t talk to her. When my ex boyfriend broke up with me and I couldn’t even get out of bed, she came over and made me tea and rubbed my back so I could finally get some sleep.
The point is that we women need to do more empowering, protecting and loving of one another. Just because the world will tell you it isn’t right to be friends with your new boyfriend’s ex, doesn’t mean it’s so. The world frowns down on reaching out to people you don’t know because of our innate fear of rejection. The universe does not know these details. The universe knows hearts, souls, and minds. Listen to what it’s telling you or you might miss out on some seriously beautiful friendships.