I want to talk about love today. There are all kinds of love in this life and to be cliche, not all love stories are the same. I have loved hard, I have loved indifferently, I have loved stupidly and blindly and I have loved with my eyes wide open and I am just one person, one soul. Then you add to the mix another person and soul and it can be a beautiful union or a mess.
People say you shouldn’t compare relationships but I think you should to some degree. How do you grow and evolve in love if you don’t measure how content and happy you are now versus in the past? How do you gauge what qualities you want in a partner if you don’t think about the qualities you didn’t admire before?
My last relationship ended abruptly and without notice. He packed up and left one day out of the blue and I spent two months reading self help books, meditating, doing yoga, strengthening my soul and my relationships with others and without even looking someone showed up in my life. I had spent so much time working on my self love that I knew I was ready. After all when opportunity comes knocking you don’t slam the door in its face and say “come back later”. I have always been cautious when getting into a new relationship because my past has conditioned me to do so. I tried to emotionally resist “love” but that spark was too strong. Then it hit me when he was laying with his head on my chest telling me how beautiful my soul was.
Love brings out different sides of us too. My last relationship changed me in unfavorable ways that only hindsight could shine a light on. I was comfortable, complacent, in a routine, never were my feathers ruffled, and the only passion felt was because we both had a great love for nature and outdoors adventures. He didn’t understand my love of crystals or why I would sage the house after we had visitors. He wanted to TAME my spirit and being the pleaser I am….I certainly tried to tame myself. I have no bad feelings harbored for him and I hope that he finds himself a lovely mountain girl who snowboards and hikes too. I hope she brings out the parts of him that I was never able to unleash because he is a good person and deserves that. I have also been in relationships that turn me into Satan. Some men have brought out all the worst in me. I don’t regret those relationships though because it taught me lessons I could never learn elsewhere.
The relationship I am in now is adventurous and makes me feel alive. It’s a wild ride that feeds my need for adrenaline and adventure. He loves my wiccan ways, lets me reiki him, and read tarot. He supports my goals and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He makes me feel like I can be who I am, flaws and all and that he will love me for it all. He will kiss the parts that make me beautiful as well as the cracks that make me feel weak sometimes. He buys me flowers and doesn’t think I am a weirdo for hanging them to dry and then using them in baths and spell bottles. He will put on a headlamp with me and salt the garden under the full moon. We all deserve a person that will be down to love all the things that make you unique and beautiful.
My sister is going through her first broken heart and I want to take all that pain away and promise her there will be a man that brings out the best in her and her for him. That there are a million ways to love a person and just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are meant to be. I have loved many times before and those souls were not mine for life. Maybe we will never find a soul that is meant for us for life, but isn’t it beautiful the journey it takes us on trying to find that person? Even the pain has beauty in it. The beauty of healing and self-love. The notion that we are never truly alone because we have our own back.
Whatever love you are in right now, I hope it is serving you well. I hope you feel safe, alive, beautiful and worthy. ❤