My first two weeks of being single had highs and lows. Now the lows are almost comical. There have been a lot of lean cuisines, salads, and magazines bought in my trips to the store. How was it just two weeks ago I was planning full course dinners and wrapped up in comfort and pattern and today I went to a 90 minute yoga class then ate a single serving of Mac N Cheese. Life is odd and unpredictable.
I have also been more aware of what is going on around me. I have a friend who is engaged as of yesterday and one that found out her husband cheated on her with more than a dozen women. Do we every really know what is going on in our lives or do we truly ever have even an inkling of what will happen in the future? Do any of our hardships in the past prepare us for a future broken heart? The answer is no. Each suffering is different than the last and as we get older, it seems to hurt worse. My only comfort is that I have myself. I like who I am and I like my company.
My Friday night last night consisted of a 90 minute massage and going home to read self help books and then fall asleep watching Flubber. It wasn’t horrible. I was sober. I slept for 10 hours. I think I am getting the hang of this. My moments of comfort come to me when I am sitting on my couch, in my tiny cottage, reading a book with the pitter patter of rain on my windows. When my thoughts and my heart race I just bring myself back to center. I am only in control of myself and my actions.