Obviously there is a lot going on upstairs. So much that I feel a second post is needed today, maybe a third and forth. Who knows. I am using this as my healthy outlet to get out all my thoughts and organize what is going on. Concerned friends and family have texted to check on me and ask the dreaded “how are you doing?” I have a hole the size of Texas in my chest, my body aches, I don’t sleep, and eating still feels like a chore, but I tell them that I’m “doing what I can to survive.” UGH. Dramatic right? The purpose of this journey for me is to come out stronger and better. I might be a little bruised right now, but I want to be THRIVING. Of course it’s only been one week so I need to be gracious with myself. So here is what I intend to do to THRIVE, not just survive.
RID MYSELF OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
I have already come to terms with the fact I have some anxiety and insecurity issues that I need to work on. This extends also into trust issues. Staying connected with toxic people is like continuing to pick at a scab. How can you heal if you keep hurting yourself? I have already started weeding out the toxic people and distancing myself from them. I have even made a few new friends just by opening up to like-minded people! The air around me was stale with fakey friendships and rancid with deceit. To be the best version of myself I need to surround myself with people who are also on a journey of self improvement.
I spoke a few times on self care and love. I seriously DO have a great time with myself. I need to continue to do so and be very present in the moment. I need to reflect on how much fun I can have by myself, but also not recluse. The first week is hard, but now its time to get out there, meet up with my new friends, and simultaneously enjoy myself. I used to spend time with people and shut down. It was difficult for me to be around people because I was always scrutinizing my self worth. Then I became miserable and wanted to flee. How unfair was that to myself and others around me?
STAY BUSY & SPREAD LOVE
Staying busy is not to be confused with suppressing feelings and emotions. I have allowed myself a healthy amount of time per day to feel the pain and acknowledge it, but then I wipe my tears, pick up my pen, and write. Or get on the web and read uplifting blogs and articles. We are like sponges. We soak up energies around us. I can’t sit and cry and wallow and expect to soak up any kind of positive vibes! Being that I live my life by the Karmic Law I fully believe that what we put out, we get back. Therefore its my duty to myself and others to put out a glowing, loving, vibe. Naturally, this has been difficult in light of recent events, but I am trying to remind myself of this every day. Sometimes it’s just by offering a smile and quick chat with a store clerk, or saying a prayer for a friend or family member. Just a little burst of love out into the universe. Life is so hard on so many people…can you imagine how much better a world this would be if we all took a moment to put a person in our thoughts and prayers? If we picked up the phone more often to chat with someone we love?
Over the course of the next month I am seriously going to sit down and evaluate each relationship and see how it benefits my life and my well being. Do i have a toxic hobby? Do I have friends that are constantly negative? Do I spend too much time in negative self talk?
Sometimes we need to be completely shaken to the core. Crushed. Pulverized. Sometimes we completely fall apart, and other times we are like the Phoenix, born from the ashes stronger and better than before. This is my moment. This is my time to rise.